


Pack(age) oriented

by Manyaesu



Category: Naruto
Genre: Crack, Gen, Kakashi Week 2020
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-14
Updated: 2020-09-14
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:01:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 548
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26449705
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Manyaesu/pseuds/Manyaesu
Summary: Kakashi's pack gets extended… sort of. Maybe.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi & Kakashi's Ninken
Kudos: 15
Collections: Kakashi Week 2020





	Pack(age) oriented

**Author's Note:**

> Written for Kakashi Week 2020, Day 2, Prompt: Pack.
> 
> When I finished the first prompt I posted yesterday (cough shameless self promotion cough), I was like 'the event starts tomorrow, i won't be able to write anything else so fast... What if I had smth lying around that could be used??' And voila!
> 
> Td;ld, this story was repurposed from a 200 word crack scenario I wrote long ago and has been occupying my data ever since. Don't take it seriously. Please.
> 
> Enjoy!

“Hatake”, Inuzuka Hana growls, “lets get fucking married.” 

Hatake Kakashi presumes, due to Hana's sudden demand, that she has found out with whom her ninken, who previously showed no interest in mating, made an exception. 

“I refuse”, Kakashi drawls.

“What, a compound full of specialized family jutsus is not good enough?”, she sneers. 

“It’s cute”, his eyes close into crescents while snapping Icha Icha shut, “that you think I’d take your name.”

“There are requisites that would make it so, and you know it!"

“Maa, we both know you just want to marry me for my dogs. I may commend you for your taste in partnership, but that’s hardly a good enough reason to turn them into Inuzuka breeders.” 

“Guess what”, Hana spits, bristling with offense. "They've knocked up my ninken!” 

Called it. 

“Well, I can't begrudge who they mate with", Kakashi says, baring his teeth in a challenge. "It's their decision." 

Hana growls over the implication that she's too controlling. 

"I helped Ichimaru deliver four puppies last night", she snaps, baring her teeth. "They're all healthy, if the sperm donor cares to know." 

Kakashi eye smiles and slaps his hands together in jubilation. "Four!? What a good girl!" 

Hana covers one (1) millimeter of her teeth behind her lips, pleased. “Of fucking course”, she says. 

And, as if remembering herself, barks: "And Chomaru has two!" 

Kakashi eye smiles harder. "Such great news! We should bring out the sake!"

"...You can come visit them, I guess."

“Half of the litter for you, half for me?” 

Hana works her jaw, apparently holding herself back from ripping his throat out in the middle of the street. "Don't push your luck, Hatake! Your ninken are the ones I - _usually_ \- like, not you! And the puppies are Inuzuka!"

"I strongly suspect that the conception happened on my lands…"

She narrows her eyes at him, as sharp as the fangs tattooed on her cheeks. 

Kakashi gentles the eye smile. "Puppies deserve the utmost care and attention, Hana-san. Surely we can work something out for Ichimaru's and Chomaru's sake." 

"..."

"And of course if things go well, neither you or I would stop any future matches if they come to be, ne?"

"...Tell your ninken that they better step up!"

“Of course, of course..."

"And don't think everything is just fine! Your dogs are on probation!" 

"Of course, of course..." 

"Tch!", she walks away, and warns without looking back: "You better come by the clinic before nightfall!"

 _With the damn sake or else!_ it's implicit.

"Yes, yes", he sighs even if the woman is long gone. 

"Honestly, I expected better of you!", later, Kakashi is giving a deserved stern talk to the catalyst, whose floppy ears downcasts further. 

"They were meeting every fucking day before the Inuzuka got confined at the compound, boss", Pakkun defends his packmate. 

"Exactly", Kakashi says. "And because he let a fortified and patrolled ninja clan complex stop him, they gave birth to the litters by themselves!"

Bisuke whines and hides his eyes with his paws, only the top of the 'nin' kanji in his forehead poking out.

"Worst of all", Kalashi says grimly. "Hana got tempted for a hot second by the prospect of attaining a fertile male for the clan."

The pack simultaneously shudders, harmony restored through collective trauma.

**Author's Note:**

> Yes, only one male doggo to blame. Don't judge him too harshly, he's a good boi.
> 
> Fun fact:  
> You may have noticed the dumb title. I chose it because (other than cuz I'm terrible at it and just gave up) it's sort of a word play with "bagagem" ("luggage", in English). Where I live here in Brazil, when this word is used as a slang instead of its literal meaning, it's a reference to somebody's offspring.  
> That's all. You can go ahead an leave kudos now ;) Thank you for reading!


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